over time a number of you've read things I wrote about my personal life. Something I never did before that, or ever intended to do. I would normally never have felt the need for that either (it had been my life for many years and nothing new), or to mention/remind that I made something a long time ago when shown something in times I hadn't been able to make anything or whatever*.
the only need I've had at first and for quite a while was to show what I'm very passionate about & whatever I'd been able to make and have always been so very proud of. It had always been enough for me to know how incredibly special that was and why.
that I started doing that after a while, was because I felt I had to as a result of some issues with a number of people close to me who also knew about this blog; too many (huge) misunderstandings about me being able to do anything, incorrect stubborn assumptions from what they think I meant or thought they knew, silent or not so silent reproaches, not believing what I said, not trusting my judgement and/or choices or what they mean etc. All of which I had not been able to get clear or understood any other way and when reading my blog would only lead to more of that.
and some have done things that you just don't do, EVER. Not even with the best intentions, which is the ongoing excuse... It hurts and betrayed my trust, a lot.
when one such things came out recently it has reminded me however (once again) that my intuition is fine: when I feel somethings off, it is, even if I can't explain (yet) how or why! I'm inclined to dismiss it and explain it positively and have done so with many things the past years, after at some point asking but not getting any or clear answers. But most often decided to leave it whatever it meant and simply chose not to let it ruin my joy! But at a point did feel the need to explain things..
and too many things kept piling up and when checking some of them (for instance weird things related to this blog) just to make sure I had to be wrong, I found things. Details that whoever had interfered with it, didn't know or think about (understandably). Those details unfortunately confirmed my feelings were right and something shady was going on. The 'funny' thing was also when I had mentioned it to someone one of those things that confirmed my feelings, was back to normal almost immediately after... (after being not normal consistently for a couple of months). More blogrelated and otherwise strange things has been going on for quite a while longer and all of it has been (more and more) the reason why I felt I had to explain things or add certain information here.
I hated that, because it's NOT me... but what I've let myself become in part, I know that's my share in all of it. And although I fully understand why and don't blame myself for that, I do feel a little ashamed for letting others get to me like that.
sooooo.. and that's the reason for this post, important to me to express and remind myself of: NO MORE. I will no longer explain or justify myself in whatever way to anyone who cares about me, but doesn't know what's going on because they choose to deny it, draws wrong conclusions about me or anything for whatever reason. Or choose to only see/hear what they want to see/hear, no matter how I've tried to explain things directly. Which is also about them, not me! So from now on I will again show what I can show without information to those only to explain why possible or whatever. And I'm sorry to all of you who got 'treated' to all of the unneeded/unwanted or even annoying info in the process.
I'm immensly proud of what I do and that is - and should be - it! And from this day forward this blog will again just be about miniatures!
*the details of my daily life in one of my inspirational posts has had the true purpose of inspiring I suddenly thought of, to enforce what I was saying about possibilities